June can't come soon enough.

There is so much to be thankful for, sometimes it's overwhelming. Life's valleys and hills can be surprisingly close together, and today is a very high hill. My sister is having a baby BOY! It's easy to get caught up in the fact that she's sick and the stress that goes along with that, but there will be a baby in her arms after this pregnancy. That's something to look forward to. There's no way to describe how much I love my niece and nephews. The better I know them, the more my love grows and it's unconditional and overwhelming. It's something I didn't know was possible until I met Olivia for the first time, 9 days before my 17th birthday. She was the most perfect, wonderful thing I had ever seen and she changed me. People say I'll love my own children even more someday, but I'm convinced that isn't possible. It may be a different kind of love, but not greater. Olivia and Brody might be the biggest blessings in my life so far, and now there is another boy on the way. It's impossible to realistically imagine someone before you meet them, but I already know a few things about this baby. He will be perfect and precious and loved, just like his sister and cousin are. In June, I will get to hold him for the first time and the thought almost makes me cry with excitement. I love this baby boy. God is so good.

New.

I said, "My whole past is gone. And it's something I try to hold onto so tightly because it's the only thing that's certain, you know?" He said, "No. The only things certain are change and God's love."

He's always been good at telling me what I need to hear. There are certain moments in which I can't accept reality, and that was one of them. A close friend of nearly 5 years had just told me that he didn't want me in his life anymore. He had been persuaded against me and I was hurt by everyone involved. It takes a lot to get to me, but that did the trick. I was not okay.
This is where Jared brings me back around. We have quite a story of our own. God brings people together with the most perfect timing and it amazes me whenever I look back on my life. Jared was my first real best friend, the first person who tried and succeeded in really getting to know me. That was several years ago now and he moved from living 6 hours away from me to across the ocean. We faded apart, then went over a year without talking and when we began again, it was forced and awkward so we gave up. We saw each other while he was in the U.S. for a few weeks, then went back to our silence.
He started a conversation as I was having a breakdown and told me exactly what I needed to hear. I was crying and he made me laugh and reminded me that change is certain and God's love is certain but God's love doesn't change. It was so encouraging at exactly the right time. Even though we aren't close anymore, he let me know he cares and that means a lot.
It's just so nice to know that I do have real friends. There are old friends who still love me. I have new friends who are genuine and a heart that somehow is able to trust again, even though I fear the pain of rejection. For a long time I was unable to trust anyone new, but I'm becoming myself again. I'm remembering what it's like to learn someone and love them. An ending is a new beginning and a new beginning is a blessing. My life is looking up.