Pain gives us strength of character; it gives us a soul. Digging deep into who we are, it shapes us. It brings us down to a place where all seems worthless; but if we know where to look, God builds us up on Himself. He is the only strong foundation. The pain is a tool, a cleansing, a new beginning. It is a state of being that deepens our souls and gives us wisdom if we allow it to. We can become its students, always seeking what lessons can be retained in its teaching. And if we trust, it will pass.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."- 1Peter 5:6-7. Whether we humble ourselves or are humbled by our circumstances, as long as we accept our humility, God will lift us up. He cares for us and will take our anxieties if we let him. If, in the end, we are closer to God as a result of our pain, it will be worth it. So let's learn from it.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
The most effective teacher.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
If God brings you to it...
I can't explain how much chemistry doesn't make sense to me. I started this semester in college level chem even though I didn't take it in high school. Dropping to intermediate is a decision I don't think I will ever regret, because even that is a struggle for me and I would probably not have passed college level. I am one semester into school and I'm doubting why I made the decision to major in a science, but I remind myself daily. This is what God has called me to do.
It isn't for me to know why; it's my place to trust. God has a plan that I've known a small piece of since I was sixteen. I am supposed to be a veterinarian and I am on the way to that end. It wasn't my idea, because I know I can't do it on my own. I'm not scientifically minded, and I believe that one reason God wants me to go through with this is for his glory. I believe that if I can get through this, it will not be by my own strength or intelligence, because I don't have that much. He will have pulled me through. God has promised that all things work together for good for those who love him, for those who are called according to his purpose. I have been called and my part is to follow. Whether I finish this or not, I've started; the rest is up to him.
"Just for today: I will make plans, but I will not plan the result & I will trust in my Higher Power's loving care."- Basic Text p.88
It isn't for me to know why; it's my place to trust. God has a plan that I've known a small piece of since I was sixteen. I am supposed to be a veterinarian and I am on the way to that end. It wasn't my idea, because I know I can't do it on my own. I'm not scientifically minded, and I believe that one reason God wants me to go through with this is for his glory. I believe that if I can get through this, it will not be by my own strength or intelligence, because I don't have that much. He will have pulled me through. God has promised that all things work together for good for those who love him, for those who are called according to his purpose. I have been called and my part is to follow. Whether I finish this or not, I've started; the rest is up to him.
"Just for today: I will make plans, but I will not plan the result & I will trust in my Higher Power's loving care."- Basic Text p.88
Friday, December 7, 2012
Your love is a melody.
Your Love Is A Song.
How is it that music can change emotions in a moment? It comforts, it reminds, it saves lives. It can bring a sense of nostalgia, sadness, happiness, love, peace, and so many other things; maybe all of those things combined at times. Music heals and hurts. The notes can open an old scar, the lyrics set a broken heart so that it can really heal. Pain and healing and joy are all tied up in the language of music, the language that emotions naturally understand.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be fulfilled if my mind could speak that language as well as it understands it. Sometimes I get jealous of people like Stephen Christian, Jon Foreman, and Elton John, who write some of the most deeply touching music I've heard. What would it be like to express what I feel in such a thorough, understandable way? I can only imagine, but listening to the things others have written still makes me feel understood because it resonates with me.
I can't write music, so I write words. Trying to explain a balance of fulfillment and emptiness in this way makes me feel ineffective and clumsy, but it's better than nothing. Language is a gift as well as music, because without it there would be no lyrics. Words are sometimes a part of this language, and words are something I know how to use.
God knows everyone needs to be honest. He tells us to walk in the light. He tells us that the truth will set us free. The truth is that sometimes I feel like I'm locked inside my own head even in a crowd of people. My thoughts are constantly churning with no outlet because I don't have enough words. I will never have enough words. I crave to be understood, so I go to meetings and I listen to music. These are the things that keep me going. These are the things God provides, and his Spirit guides me to the promises he's made.
Hebrews 4:15-16 (ESV) "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV) "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
Isaiah 26:3 (ESV) "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
How is it that music can change emotions in a moment? It comforts, it reminds, it saves lives. It can bring a sense of nostalgia, sadness, happiness, love, peace, and so many other things; maybe all of those things combined at times. Music heals and hurts. The notes can open an old scar, the lyrics set a broken heart so that it can really heal. Pain and healing and joy are all tied up in the language of music, the language that emotions naturally understand.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be fulfilled if my mind could speak that language as well as it understands it. Sometimes I get jealous of people like Stephen Christian, Jon Foreman, and Elton John, who write some of the most deeply touching music I've heard. What would it be like to express what I feel in such a thorough, understandable way? I can only imagine, but listening to the things others have written still makes me feel understood because it resonates with me.
I can't write music, so I write words. Trying to explain a balance of fulfillment and emptiness in this way makes me feel ineffective and clumsy, but it's better than nothing. Language is a gift as well as music, because without it there would be no lyrics. Words are sometimes a part of this language, and words are something I know how to use.
God knows everyone needs to be honest. He tells us to walk in the light. He tells us that the truth will set us free. The truth is that sometimes I feel like I'm locked inside my own head even in a crowd of people. My thoughts are constantly churning with no outlet because I don't have enough words. I will never have enough words. I crave to be understood, so I go to meetings and I listen to music. These are the things that keep me going. These are the things God provides, and his Spirit guides me to the promises he's made.
Hebrews 4:15-16 (ESV) "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV) "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
Isaiah 26:3 (ESV) "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Keep Coming Back
"Keep coming back. It works if you work it."
I didn't realize how much I had missed those words until they were spoken this past Monday night. My best friend took me to a recovery meeting. It was the first one I had been to since I was home for Thanksgiving break, and that was the only one I've been to since school started in August.
"Keep coming back..."
I don't want to live without a support group. As wonderful as my friends are, as wonderful as my school is, there's nothing that compares. It hit me that I love my family so much now because of our mutual understanding of our past. I have a friend who struggles with depression; we share a common knowledge of that one area. Another friend has been in my life since I was born; she knows me almost as well as anyone does. They are wonderful, but we don't fully understand each other. I can't relate to them because I've never been through anything similar to their lives, and they can't relate to my life, either.
"It works if you work it."
Daily recovery readings are not enough. People need each other. People need other souls who understand them on a deeper level. There is no one who understands addiction and codependency like someone who is and/or has lived with an addict. A friend can try to understand, but it will never quite get through to them. Good friends might be enough until someone really understands you, but the support group is a healthy addiction that replaces unhealthy ones. It's a way to learn to rely on a Higher Power, to live one day at a time and take responsibility for ourselves. There is no way I can express how much I need that in my life and how grateful I am.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right
If I surrender to Your will
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with You
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
I didn't realize how much I had missed those words until they were spoken this past Monday night. My best friend took me to a recovery meeting. It was the first one I had been to since I was home for Thanksgiving break, and that was the only one I've been to since school started in August.
"Keep coming back..."
I don't want to live without a support group. As wonderful as my friends are, as wonderful as my school is, there's nothing that compares. It hit me that I love my family so much now because of our mutual understanding of our past. I have a friend who struggles with depression; we share a common knowledge of that one area. Another friend has been in my life since I was born; she knows me almost as well as anyone does. They are wonderful, but we don't fully understand each other. I can't relate to them because I've never been through anything similar to their lives, and they can't relate to my life, either.
"It works if you work it."
Daily recovery readings are not enough. People need each other. People need other souls who understand them on a deeper level. There is no one who understands addiction and codependency like someone who is and/or has lived with an addict. A friend can try to understand, but it will never quite get through to them. Good friends might be enough until someone really understands you, but the support group is a healthy addiction that replaces unhealthy ones. It's a way to learn to rely on a Higher Power, to live one day at a time and take responsibility for ourselves. There is no way I can express how much I need that in my life and how grateful I am.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right
If I surrender to Your will
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with You
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
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